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| 08:54pm 16/05/2006 |
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I need something really bad |
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Read 3 - Post |
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| Better than studying for bio |
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| 10:36am 03/05/2006 |
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mood:  apathetic
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My name:
Who is the love of my life:
Where did we meet:
Take a stab at my middle name:
How long have you known me:
When is the last time that we saw each other:
Do I smoke:
Do I drink:
When is my birthday:
What was your first impression of upon meeting me:
Do I have any siblings:
What's one of my favorite things to do:
Am I funny:
What's my favorite type of music:
What is the best feature about me:
Am I shy or outgoing:
Am I a rebel or do I follow the rules:
Do I have any special talents:
Would you consider me a friend/good friend:
Would you call me preppy, average, sporty, punk, hippie, glam, nerdy, snobby, or something else (what):
What is a memory we have once had:
Have you ever hugged me:
Do you miss me...do you think i miss you:
What is my favorite food:
Have you ever had a crush on me:
If there was one good nickname for me, what would it be:
What's your favorite memory of me:
Who do I like right now:
What is my worst habit:
If you and I were stranded on a desert island, what one thing would I bring?
Are we friends:
Will you repost this so I can do it for you?: |
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| 10:51pm 01/04/2006 |
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mood:  drained
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Where do you draw the line between looking for people to have a good time and looking for people so you wont have to be alone?
Tonight kinda sucked...
It all gets better right?
I think i store to much faith in people, and all the wrong people at that. There's good and bad times and you have to roll with them both to be the best you can be, but sometimes it helps when the bad comes in between the good, and not crashing down on you like a boulder.
If there is such a thing as karma in the world, i must have had a major strand of mediocre fuck ups to get this... |
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| 07:44am 04/03/2006 |
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mood:  tired
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last night was nice finally |
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| 09:23am 26/02/2006 |
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inside the lines the colors are never as vivid and beautiful |
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| 09:18am 25/02/2006 |
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mood:  aggravated
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first match- 8:15, twenty minute running halves in a 7 on 7. played for a grand total of about 4 minutes out of forty? yeah that was really cool but i can't say i minded to much because it was early and I was tired. Yet the thing that bugged me was that on defense everyone was playing like they hadn't ever seen a lacrosse match before and didnt know what to do. Then to add to that the two main defenders other than myself were screaming their heads off at the other players. The second half of the game just completely fell apart. I understand if you are upset that someone isnt playing like your used to or isn't playing up to par, but sitting and shouting at them from the sidelines wont do them any good. So just shut up before someone gets the audacity to shove a stick down your throat. Yelling at someone just lowers their self-esteem and well besides the play already happened so there isn't anything your shouting will do. I think constructive critisiscm needs to be practiced.
BLEHHH : (
Second match- against bellaire at 11 and I will be playing near full game in the position i belong, and I will play it well. |
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| 05:37pm 06/02/2006 |
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time goes by way to fast and all im doing is wasting it.
useless |
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| 09:42pm 27/01/2006 |
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it's stupid to chase after the things you cant get anyways |
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Read 4 - Post |
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| birthdays |
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| 11:07pm 25/01/2006 |
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mood: drained
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I find it hard to accept praise for my accomplishments, especially in sports. I always assume that it is your duty to do your absolute best, and anything bellow that does not deserve mentioning. It is not necessarily bad, seeing as no one consistently produces top quality work, but just not worth mentioning. When I do accomplish something worth mentioning I generally nod and say thank you, but I can tell that there is no genuine tone in my words. I appreciate the praise and having the person take the time to notice me, but my words and actions do not suite my emotions still. I’m much better at just nodding and associating the instance with mere chance. The praise keeps me going but I’m fearful to bask in it for when your at the top chances are you will slide down the next time. Or continue on that excellent level which eventually translates to your norm. Either way you cannot excel all the time, and praise just tends to point that out.
I can also become quite weary of others doing things for me. I know it’s a simple gesture of kindness or generosity but somehow I translate it into a burden. I’m quite shy when it comes to asking for things and would often prefer to find a way to do it myself. When that is not the case I often fall into the second hand letting the other person take complete charge. Don’t over judge though, there is often a medium of shared work or generosity. Yet the things on the extreme just tend to stick out a little bit more.
I need something to wake me up, make me feel alive and not just amongst the living. Nothing to extravagant, even an unexpected ray of light dancing across the floor can work wonders. Just something to show that life is not always confined by the expected. I’m loosing track of the reasons to wake up in the morning due to the lack of those little rays. Surely there are multiple points for living, which consume my daily routine, yet all of them lack the vivaciousness to become the points to feel alive. Living isn’t eye catching, living has become the routine, my living has restricted my life. Where’s the ray of light needed to find the vitality to feel alive. Each day has become a burden of useless tasks stacked upon one another for a useless future. I have no doubt that there is something out there to break this monotony, I would just like to know where it lies.
Growing older just shrinks your vision |
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| Fix |
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| 04:25pm 22/01/2006 |
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The children sat and played, building castles made of stone. The others carried shovels to move the earth alone. They carried the rocks of time beneath their feeble arms. With each passing step they shedded their childhood charms. Yet the children found the best tools, were the fingers on their hands. They scraped and dug to carve the earth atleast a mile high. One foot became a thousand, as the albatross emerged across the sky. They sat upon the rocky shore, as their parents huddled by. They stood to watch the glory of the albatross in the sky. The children continued to build, one rock upon the next, until they grabbed the moss, which served as the bedding of a nest. They grabbed the shapeless egg, palming it in their hands. They clutched it close to their chest, which served as protection at its best. The others continued to build, finding nests of their own. The parents told them to put down the eggs and then wandered home. Yet the childrens clutch was tight as the ran to show their dad. The childrens enthusiasm was regarded as a passing fad. He glanced down at the egg in hand, remarking that there were thousands strewn across the land. They put the egg down, as the albatross grew near. The thin wings expanding as it drew closer by the year. The children stood ashore waiting for the time as the parents walked away. They now picked up the shovels and cast ambitions towards the bay. The birds feet stuck out as warning and the parents began their mourning. The children encountered their first albatross. There was no question why, Life started moving as the rest dotted across the sky. |
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| 02:49pm 16/01/2006 |
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I hate houston
I hate driving around houston
I want out of this fucking city |
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Read 5 - Post |
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| 10:19pm 09/01/2006 |
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"He's never going to be great at this! He's DEAD! I don't know why you cant understand that!" As his voice echoed out over the polished marble flooring Mike knew he had taken it one step to far. His shaggy locks hung just past his ears and he flicked a copper lock over his eye in attempt to resentment from his face. It wasn't that he hated his mother, quite the contrary actually, she had given everything he had dreamed of since birth. Everything but indpendence. He couldn't really hold that against her though, since after the accident he wasn't sure he was allowed to have any. Living life through Saturday ball practice and the occasional crush was enough freedom for him, and he made sure to not ask for more.
As the silence crept up to the kitchen cabinets he couldn't bear to hear it for a second longer. He rolled up the sleeves of his worn ACDC shirt and made sure to clank his plate and fork against eachother, just to insure that reality hadn't just split at the seems. He shuffled towards the sink and tried to restore vitality to the room by remarking, "The pancakes were good." Yet the words hung as thick as maple syrup on his tounge and as he forced the syllables out he choked on them. It was a weak attempt but it did everything he wanted, as he walked out of the kitchen his mom had again chosen to breathe. |
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| Jordan Almonds- Just a story |
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| 10:29pm 04/01/2006 |
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It's amazing how many fake interests and fabricated smiles you can put into one room during the Holiday season. Suddenly everyone becomes fascinated with how you have been over the past year as discussing accomplishments over holiday treats becomes the routine. Amidst a collection of fake smiles I absent-mindedly paced around the first floor, dodging guests with a collection of polite nods. The key was to keep moving, if you don't stop, no one can bother you and with questions like an old friend in attempts to find out who you are. It was a Saturday night and I was dressed for the occasion, a Pershing Cheerleaders white elephant gift exchange. The parent's heads were bobbing as they counted down the minutes till they could. All the while the cheerleaders stayed in the living room, gossiping with everyone. It was almost as if they were mocking the adults, saying "we haven't grown up enough yet to forget the art of making friends." The adults stuck to their clients, business associates, or mothers that attended the same salons. It was the perfect gathering of simulated togetherness that was just out of my reach. That is until he said "Hello". He was a socially awkward 40 something man who had found my thirst for diet coke to be the perfect remedy for his loneliness. "So you must be the older sister?" he said, in accusational dry tone. The answer, "Yeah that's me, I'm no cheerleader though.." spat mechanically through my mouth while I made sure to let the "gh" trail to insinuate that I wasn't interested. His hands awkwardly gripped the counter while his brow crinkled in an attempt to conjure a response above the mechanical. Outfitted in brown slacks, a slightly worn autumn toned checkered shirt, horn rim glasses and brown tufts of unpolished hair this man was nothing more than a hologram of once successful man. "Well even so, you too still like a lot alike, although you’re the significantly larger version." was all he managed to come up with. Yet that was enough. My hand reached for the nearest object, a bowl of Jordan almonds, in hopes of finding some restraint. I let my fingers pace back and fourth above the shimmering coat of the candies in search of the rhythm of control. The word "tyrant" flooded the inside of my mouth as my body ached to scream it out at him. No matter that he was not a tyrant of any sorts; it was the weapon my body chose to carry my tone in. My lips pursed together as I dared myself to cry the word out with enough vocal precision to slice his larynx with the pitch from the Y. Instead a grabbed a handful of the candies and managed to mumble “I guess so" as I attempted to force one of the almonds into my mouth. I fed him the image he had just created and politely excused myself from the room. My pace quickened as a rushed up the staircase and flung my body behind the slamming door hastily enough to feel my own weight slam the brass hinges into place. The flood of tears had begun before I could even recognize them and the candies fell bitterly from my hands as my body folded into itself. The realization that living with one mans opinion of me was lower than the opinion I had held of him forced its way through my eyelids as perception crushed my shoulder blades. Then as soon as it started it was over and the mechanical vibration of my phone cast reality, or the lack there of, aside. I made the normal collection of polite nods again graced the crowd as I skimmed my way out the front door. The opinion escaped me as I accelerated on the gas in search of another. The drive was methodical leaving me nothing to recall. I again had my back pressed against the wall, in hopes of finding someone to push it away and replace it with an arm or shoulder instead. I had brought the candies with me in a little baggy, in an attempt to surprise, and rid myself or any midnight snacking. The room was dense with smoke and the jagged edges of reality became softened by the fog. Perhaps the drive was the only unrecallable event because it was the only one that was real. The sound of voices crowded the room, same as before, but this time there were ears to accompany it. It all seemed ok but the feeling was unnervingly wrong. The pipe passed by once or twice as a cute smile was enough for a refusal. The third time around stopped the chatter and the tense pressure reveled itself once again. I placed the pipe in my hand, allowing the glass bowl to rest in the palm of my hand. It was vaguely familiar and mechanical routine soon took over. I pursed my lips onto the glass and allowed my fingers to dance their way to the carb. As the lighter trembled before the pressure of my thumb I felt the strength of the smoke fill my winded lungs. As the fire crowded my eyes I slowly let them close, just in time to miss the only thing real. His eyes rose above the haze just long enough to leave a lingering stare of compassion and desire. Yet they were already tainted with red. As my eyes re-opened I took a candy from the bag and placed it into my mouth. Essentially the perfect candy, both the sugary coating and the almond were there, yet each left something to be desired. |
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| Saturday blue |
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| 04:44pm 25/11/2005 |
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I wonder if everyone feels that way, that this could be the feeling that joins us all together and makes us human. Such a delicate innocent feeling that it becomes sinfully delicious. It comes wrapped in a thousand different packages, and one day it hits you that they're all the same. The indescribable gift that no life is complete without. You can wrap your arms around it and feel it on the coldest of winter nights. It lingers there, in between the touch of two delicate hands, waiting to be embraced or tragically forgotten. None of us can describe love, but it's recognizable the instant you see it. Only if you look. Two drunken lovers covered with a cheap ralph lauren perfume huddling against the winters harshest winds could come no where near doing it justice. It's the moment no one can see, for the senseless cannot be left out. It's something we all feel. There is no question when you stumble upon a lovers gaze what they are searching for. You can trace with your eyes the lines you have seen a thousand times before. The crack by the mouth left from the morning hello how are you's, the blue tint of your lovers eye, they're all there but not what you're searching for. you're grasping for something more delicate, hidden beneath the folds of every eyelash. It is there that the lovers gaze lands; searching not for the new, but a way to make each moment, each second, span a little longer. The search for lover's eternity.
The moment when their eyes will raise, and amidst the confusion of the outside world that they have been brought together to embrace, there they will find you. As the words roll from the tongue, syllables you have heard a thousand times before, suddenly take on a new meaning. There you are, you are amazing. Whispers that have never been said before and never will be said again. They will continue to linger, every day, trapped between the hands of time, folded into the smallest inch of the lovers finger tips. |
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| Let's call it destiny |
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| 06:41pm 25/09/2005 |
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mood:  chipper
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I'm destined to live in Colorado... it's settled.
I hiked around in the Garden of the Gods today and it was amazing. Absolutely gorgeous scenery and i love getting off the beaten path when hiking. I climbed on top of the rocks and then walked down the mountain, it was awesome.
The air up here is so clean, the sky is almost always blue, the people are really chill, and did i mention the weather? spectacular.
Although I do feel like i'm missing out on all the post rita action down in Houston. Give and take i guess...
J'adore Colorado. |
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| OH RITA |
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| 09:30pm 22/09/2005 |
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mood:  nervous
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I think when everyone was told to get out of town, my parents took it maybe a little to seriously. Why you ask?
Because we drove all the freakin way to colorado!!!!!!!
So now im sitting in the lobby of the Marriott Residence Inn in Boulder, Colorado. Since we decided to evacuate, my parents wanted to go all out...
I'm going to UC Boulder tomorrow to be a student for a day so that should be pretty nice. After that possibly some hiking on saturday and sunday. I guess this is just all about making the best out of a really bad situation.
The traffic getting out was horrible, and we left at 6 on wednesday. It took us twelve hours just to get to Wacco, normally a four hour drive.... I got some footage of all the traffic and of crazy gas station lines. So to anyone trying to make it out of Houston, my heart goes out to you, and to your gas tank.
On a more serious note,
To anyone staying in town, I wish you all the best of luck and I hope that the storm continues to head to the east away from Houston. I love you all and hope to come home to our city with intact houses where no one is hurt. Please take care and prepare the best you can, cus im sure that it won't be easy. I'm not religious, but anyones hopes and prayers for our city would be appreciated.
YET Rita isn't hear yet guys! so there's still some time left to party it up and enjoy yourself for a day. Don't get the stress level to high.
Best wishes from CO |
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| 09:59pm 08/09/2005 |
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mood:  amused
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well i have a lot of stuff to be doing, but i'm feeling lazy and don't want to do it.
In two weeks i will be unemployed.
awesome. |
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| A Second To Bitch |
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| 09:33am 27/08/2005 |
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mood: tired
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Hopefully today will be better than yesterday. But this weekends to looking to promising. Friday kinda sucked....
The Good-
~ got to hang out with Nick for 45 minutes before going to work.
~got $20 in tips.
The Bad-
~had to go to work right after school.
~made a not so good grade on my first precal test
~discovered we have another precal test next class.
~pop test in biology! failed that one....
~ constant dyke mobile comments still ( lay off the suburban!)
~about 30 people came into the store on saturday night.
The Ugly-
~ didn't get a chance to actually talk or hang out with anyone...
~ Was up till three o-clock in the morning doing homework.
~Got up at six....
~ pulled a fucking 18 hour day (thats 18 hours of being awake and active...)
~didnt get to go run or play lax at all.
~the recipt machine thing at work fucked up and all the closing amounts had to be written by hand
~the girl who was supposed to come to work to close forgot... so i was there till midnight.
~realizing that i have to get up at 8 to go to a college thing untill 4pm..
~the fact that saying i have a shit load of homework is an understatement.
But i know theres people who have it alot worse and these are nothing compared to there situations, but some shit still tears ya down ya know? |
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| 10:52pm 07/08/2005 |
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"What if you slept? And what if, in your sleep, you dreamed? And what if, in your dream, you went to heaven and there plucked a strange and beautiful flower? And what if, when you awoke, you had the flower in your hand? Ah, what then? " |
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| Just Making A Call Out |
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| 05:48pm 24/07/2005 |
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mood: optimistic
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I don't know, it may just be me, but no one seems to be quite complete anymore.
Everyone is always lacking some significant other, afraid of loosing someone, afraid to speak out for fear of getting laughed at or having their feelings vary from someone elses. Well thats all common and everybody feels it, but its summer! People shouldn't be like that. I know that may seem like a weak argument but its true. How many more summers are you going to have before you go off to college? not to many... We're all starting to grow up and figure out who we are, and it's only getting better. Everything has a way of turning around eventually and somewhere you'll hit good luck. And if you are someone who has never had good luck in your life, every day things always get worse, and someone is constantly raining on your parade, then i guess im very wrong and give me a call so i can retract this statement and i'll send ya a care package or something. But you know what, i doubt i'll ever get that call.
So!
How bout we enjoy life while we're living it off of our parents tabs. Go hang out with our friends because guess what, they like you for you! Not because you might be pretty to look at or because you have a car. Cus there are pleanty of other people with those two things too. Nothing going on is that complicated, so stop fretting and just let things take their course. Go out and be with the people you like and care about and have a good time. |
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